Hey there happy readers! Otdoshimnika? (How are you?) Well it's Thursday night here, I am currently relaxing and resting from last night's punishment at the hands of Master Kim my Tae Kwon Do instructor. Allow me to paint a picture for you my loyal readers. Imagine yourselves lying on a mat in an already humid gym. A 72 year old 9th degree Tae Kwon Do instructor telling you to do 50 three count flutter kicks. Not too bad right? Well follow that up by 100 (yes that's 100) bicycle exercises, next it's lying on your back with your legs over head being opened and closed(another 50) then its push-ups but with your feet spread as far apart as they can go without making yourself unable to procreate. After those excerises, it's 100 punches followed by another 100 cross over lunges. Ahhh how the first 45 minutes of our instruction can sometimes be the cruelist. After our "stretching" we get to partner up to perform some basic movements. I was lucky to 1. be a white belt so I need a little more instruction and 2. I was placed with a black belt!!! Are you kidding me?!??! Seriously though he was actually really helpful and did some one on one tutoring that will benefit me in the long run. We next went through side kick exercises, followed by roundhouse kicks and then front kicks. Those were about 4 or 5 one way up the room and the same back. So the first hour is up. Water Break for 10 min and then comes the sparing. This time I was with another white belt so that's cool. It was honestly a great time. It's my 4th class so far and I plan on going at least 3 times a week. However let me offer some insight into this.....
Now, when I started this whole martial arts thing I was expecting a couple of things which I shall name and then compare with what really happens.
1. An old Asian male instructor would hopefully impart some wisdom from time to time, become my best friend and then on my birthday give me the keys to a kick ass classic car.
Reality- Old guy, check. Wisdom, sometimes but at a painful cost. Best friend, that remains to be seen. Classic car, well my birthday is in a couple of months.....
2. "Cruel Summer" would somehow become my new anthem as I would have to prove myself against the mean "in-crowd" either on a beach, the soccer field, a dojo, or the final tournament.
Reality- No Beach, soccer field or final tournament. Although the dojo will be interesting......
3. Elisabeth Shue and I have this quircky on again off again relationship because I come from the wrong side of the tracks.
Reality- Ummmmm do I really have to explain this
4. I was going to have to compete against some dude named Johnny whose friends keep telling that I should be put in a body bag.
Reality- No Johnny but the Black Belt dude sure was intimidating and at least I didnt' get beat up by a bunch of skeletons
5. At the final battle, my legs would be swept and I would have some jacked up ribs but my wise old Asian friend would massage me to good health.
Reality- No final battle yet. I just started come on now happy readers, what do you expect you can't learn that crap in under 2 months.
Well lastly folks:
At least if my life leads to a sequel I can look forward to having "Glory of Love" be a part of my soundtrack. Sugarduck, I would always be the man who will fight for your honor and glory and I am really depending on Canowine or The Keoki to post some kick ass Peter Cetera songs right now!!!!
Uncle Tom, Sore and OUT!
10 comments:
You'll have to conquer your fear of the water!
That is the best post ever! But wait until they tie you legs to pulleys from trees and force you to do the splits, wait that was Van Damme, oh well him too! I definately wouldn't have the balls to do that especially not there where it's the real shit and not the stuff from Napoleon Dynamite! Good luck and hope your "boys" don't get ripped up to much doing the splits!
It's going to be great when you serve me my tea while blindfolded!
Now I've had "Glory of Love" stuck in my head all day. Thanks a lot honey!
Awww.....
Who knew you were so talented?
From your new fan....
"HB"
It certainly seems like we can start talking about Uncle Tom like we do Mr Chuck Norris.
hmm that give me an idea ... I need some pictures of Chuck Norris stat. Where's my picture of Tom's head... oh yes, the wheels are spinning...
You should show them some of the secret Ninja moves you learned from the government.
Q: What's wrong with this story:
Chuck Norris and two other men died and went to heaven...
They were all arguing about who gets to sit at the right hand of god. The first guy says, "Well, I think I should, because I was a kind man when I was alive." The second says, "Weeeellll, I think I should, because I was very generous when I was alive."
Chuck Norris just looks at God and says "I think you're in my seat."
A: Chuck Norris can never die, unless he kills himself, which would surely end the universe.
Sugarduck: Blindfolds huh.... I think I like where this is going!!
RC: I say bring on the pulleys! I actually drew blood on Friday during a spare. Well, it was my own blood but come on, baby steps people.
HB: Good to see you! No talent here, it's just kaka from my kimchee fermented mind.
Keoki:my favorites are...
Uncle Tom can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Uncle Tom doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Uncle Tom gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Canowine: Actually my secrets skills have yet to reveal themselves. However, when the "classified" implanted nanobots want to surface I assume they will do it on their own.
Oh come on now, we all know there's nothing "nano" about Uncle Tom!
Need more posts! I guess your still getting your ass kicked my the old asian guy, you need a montage to speed things up, even Rocky had a montage!
Post a Comment